I remembered, back in 2004, when RadioGravity wanted to join 1st Rexona Bandfest, band member argued it was a sucidal attempt and insisted Lamepost to participate. Radiogravity had just released “Baby Blue” in National Radio (X-Fresh) and received well by listener. Bandmate argued, if we lost in the battle then it will do no good to our “reputation” . Plus some bandmate wanted to own the band so bad, that they insist original band member to perform, which was impossible because some of us are still studying abroad. Some felt betrayed and demanded a loyalty pledge, a cut of cake, etc.. i believes some of you out there may suffered the same menace. .. hahaha .. But after some heaty debates, Radiogravity married Lamepost, hence the name RadiogravityLamepost came about. This was to jaga hati semua pihak and no one is losing it.. sounded so much like our current corrupt country ‘s policies/politics huh? A lot have asked us .. what’s with “name” ? Radiogravity wat? hahahha… now you know!
For me, i wanted to have fun and perform on stage. Plus, we had a demo between our cheek butt and wanted to promote it. Did not plan to win but to explore possibility / potential with out music. Things turn out different than we expect when we manage to go 2nd stage and wowed audiences and judges.. I was worried. If we win, could the band finance itself to Singapore. Most are still studying and looking for job. A passport would cost RM300. Can bandmember afford it? And if we win, who should go? We have 2 members wanted to be in..
Excited and anxious, so i told Caca and Ray, if you wanted be successful in this music industry, you have to really work your ass off. After all, you two stop studying in order to give in to your musical career, if there is any? Is okay for me and Saifudin. We are both earning. He replied me furiously, “you are taking us for granted by saying those word! As if you can dump us anytime without feeling guilty. After all, why do you give a shit. You had your life in front of you and, here we (caca & ray) are, gambling our future for the music we love.” i was stunned and stumped. I wonder whether he realized what he had just said.. the risk that both of them willing to partake in this shambles music industry, in a niche music market ( bulldozing speed punk metal in a market full of jiwang karat manusia) and in a country where biased policies crush your dream right in front of your eyes.. it was super selfish for me as i have a quarter of this life figured out (done with my study, earning and paying tax). i was damm selfish for taking music/scene for a ride, for having it as a hobby and growing a big cloud of doubt about what all the “musician wannabees” want..
There were 2 ways i could think of to salvage this delusional journey :
1. Stop immediately. They were my brother, cousin and very close fren. I had to take responsibility and courage to tell them straight to their face.. that career in music is not gonna work out despite how bersemangat we are. i dint really know it back then because i had this blurry vision on how the country is run. I was an ignorant and never vote or understand my “humane” right. Music for living is possible in malaysia but ..sigh. i explain later.. no matter how much we cried “support our local scene”, those tag line serupa dengan “support our hak bumiputera”. A chant that is so fucking innocent for naive bystander but a powerful brainwashing scheme by the select few who deliberately twisted it and made it into their propaganda and at the end, get a cut of the cake, out of other’s naiviety/stupidty.. its not gonna work out here, with what has been “cancerized” out thought and mindset over the past 40 years(3rd world mentality). Support our local scene to the extreme mean isolating oneself from others and embrace the socialist approach… it is communism.. KOMUNIS! and in komunis, ditactorship overrule. I should have stop all of us but….. the possibilities/potential and the wonder of youth gave all out…sigh…
2. And if we intended to go ALL OUT and living our youth…. Money, time, sweat, blood gonna roll down our throat. i was confident. We were passionate and out of our mind! We had asset and people to pull out the job. And most importantly, we had “THE PASSION”. . (kah kah kah kah.. buah passion bijik pelir). hmmmm ….. i guess you know the rest of the stories kan? Studio was built, guitars were bought, plan were laid out, gig attended without fail, and the list go on and on. Then again, after all we have done, passion alone cannot replace the broken cymbals, the broken hearted, job losses, angry girlfriends and what more to say, putting “mee maggie curry” on the table.. i had to figure, where did it go wrong.. Was it wrong to make a living from your music… i remembered someone told me that he wanted to be a song writer.. writing song for a living.. earning royalty.. what happen to that person? did he live his dream? or was he saying it out of spontaneity like every youth out there?.. Dream can come true.. hold on to your dream.. don’t ever let go of your passion..
I have grown old and retarded. I have lost that enthusiasm.. i might open a jamming studio or a recording gig , earning from the today’s excessive “youth power / energy” .. exploiting them of every drop of bloods.. if you watch the movie “tropic thunder”, check out MR. Financier at the end of the movie.. i dunno.. i just want to do my own thing now.. for those who don’t understand, u will one day..
God Wanna-BE
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